Post 1 – A MEMORY LEANS TO THE WIND

Age and Memories

This getting older is an adjustment. The Irish poet, William Yeats, had a little trouble with it. He once wrote,

“I spit in the face of the time that has disfigured me.”

I have not seen the face of time, yet, but I did ask a question in my song “Judy Lou”.

“Is a clock a circle time is passing through?”

Perhaps a clock is as close as we get to seeing the face of time.

Even if you still feel young, I have found out by experience the sure-fire way to know you are now old. There are two criteria.

The first is that everyone starts calling you “young man”.

How is it going today, young man?

You are looking good today, young man.

When I was not “old”, no one ever called me “young man”.

The second sure sign is a benefit. Women start holding the door open for you.

Well, I guess there are unforeseen advantages to every era in life.

There have always been interesting warnings about age.

In 1967, when Bob Dylan recorded what became known as The Basement Tapes with The Band in the Big Pink, the house in West Saugerties, NY where most members of The Band lived, he wrote a song with the line

“Take care of all of your memories,” said Nick, “For you cannot relive them.”

Anaïs Nin, a French born novelist, once said,

“We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect.”

Anais was a writer of eroticism, and she seemed to have a stronger desire for a revisit compared to, say, the writer of All Quiet on the Western Front.

In another song, Bob Dylan said,

“You can go back, but you can’t go back all the way.”

When I got to a certain age, I found myself looking back on my life. I do not mean to imply that I live in the past. Far from it. Some of the retrospect look was inspired by my older daughter, Kristin, who bought me a StoryWorth subscription and asked me to write about my life.

One of the eras I reviewed was when I devoted a great deal of time to writing songs.

I’ve Been Leaning to the Wind

Doug Sharp is a mathematician and poet in Houston who I met at Texas A&M in about 1968. He and I wrote about 50 songs together, most from the early 1970s through the mid-1980s. It has been so long now that revisiting the idea of writing them is like going back – but not all the way.

This post is for everyone, but is dedicated to Kurt Zech, an electric guitar player in Dr. Fry’s Texas Medicine Band, with whom I have played music for more than 40 years.

This is a photo from my first performance with Kurt, at a kick-off party in Manville, TX for the Houston Oilers season (then the football team in Houston). Kurt is on the left, then my father, Max Fry, then my sister, Darelyn, then me. This was taken in September 1980. Other band members are not in the picture, but they included Larry Lawson on piano, a founder of the group The Clique that had a hit song in the 1960s called “Sugar On Sunday”.

 

 

In earlier years, we played a song that Doug and I wrote called “I’ve Been Leaning to the Wind.” Kurt asked what the song is about, and I never gave him much of an answer.

 

I want to take this time to tell what it was about and how it came about. Maybe I just want to revisit that time.

In 1979, I was head of the U.S. economics division of Crocker National Bank, which has since been bought out, but was then the fourth largest bank in CA. I was living in Walnut Creek in a beautiful house on a hillside with a floor-to-ceiling window and a  beautiful lush green view. Judy at this time was pregnant with Ashley.

Sometimes I would give Doug a line I liked, and if the idea sufficiently inspired him he would write some lyrics for me to work with. My recollection is that I sent him a letter proposing the line “I’ve been leaning to the wind.”

Do you hear it?

Can you hear it?

The sound.

Can you hear it?

What message does it carry?

When I wrote the phrase “I’ve been leaning to the wind”, the idea was to hear better what messages the wind was bringing. In our songs, we have periodically used wind in a spiritual way, carrying messages that cannot be obtained other ways. Early on Doug and I wrote “Blow Wind Blow,” with that mystic quality attributed to the wind. And why not? You cannot see the wind. Sound is carried in the air, by the wind. I think every generation communicates to a certain extent through songs. I know mine did.

My focus is represented in the chorus:

As long as I can remember, I’ve been leaning to the wind

To hear the sounds of fire on a dark cold night

Or just of leaves blowing in the wind

I’ve turned my face to catch it song

And the message it might send

The sound of fire is, well, a promise of comfort on a dark cold night.

Since high school I have listened to Bob Dylan. Does anyone see a “tip of the hat” to a song of his in the chorus?

When I received Doug’s lyrics in the mail, two of his three verses pertained to a young man going through life, with the wind (and its messages of course) sometimes serving as a guide. He paid tribute to my idea in the second verse.

Doug’s Verses:

As long as I can remember I’ve been leaning to the wind

Though the twisting trail grows straighter as beginning runs to end

Long ago I sought a place to simply wait and rest

But I belong upon this road where direction is only guessed

 

Long ago I sought a place to lose myself in thought

But the wind too has a place for me where its lessons will be taught

I’ve had good cause for memory of the finest song I’ve heard

The tune goes on from dusk till dawn while I strain for every word

 

Shadows and the clear bright stars mark each new found course

Some hope, some fear, some disappear, most without remorse

I’m halfway through my journey, but it’s less I fear the end

Although the start was the hardest part it was done by the grace of the wind

Looking back on Doug’s writing, and particularly the last line of this first verse “..where direction is only guessed.” I am reminded of something Joe Walsh said in a documentary about the band The Eagles.  He said,

“You know, there’s a philosopher who says, “As you live your life, it appears to be anarchy and chaos, and random events, non-related events, smashing into each other and causing this situation or that situation, and then, this happens, and it’s overwhelming, and it just looks like what in the world is going on? And later, when you look back at it, it looks like a finely crafted novel. But at the time, it don’t.”

That is the way I consider my life.

In the type of songs Doug and I wrote, the music’s role is solely to enhance the impact of the lyrics. “I’ve Been Leanin’ To The Wind” and one called “Rock The Cradle” were the most difficult of our songs for me to arrive at the music I wanted. I finally added one of lines in the chorus, which was not originally there, to make the music work.

I have never before “explained” the writing of a song, but this describes, also, how I view the lyrics to the song.  With this perspective, I invite you to listen.

Here is the link from my website to hear it on Spotify. https://open.spotify.com/track/4KMw29qUmLJtSQ2JN0p9RP?si=d04499f5ef834d36&nd=1

And here is the link if you prefer video and lyrics with the song. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_OV61DYM69Y

Here is the link if you prefer YouTube but no video.. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZK3T3cX2TYA

Stay tuned. Next time I am sending a story from our Rett Syndrome journey.

Adios for now.

Clifford